Psychological Homelessness
If you’re feeling lonely, you are not alone.
Loneliness is at unprecedented highs. We have more digital connection, more friends than ever, yet there’s an empty sense of isolation and homelessness. A deep gut-wrenching feeling that there is no one to share your thoughts, deepest fears and joys with. No one to affirm, to listen and to genuinely care that you’re alive. A gnawing revelation that you have no sense of belonging, anywhere, with anyone.
On a psychological level, being seen, heard and affirmed is a necessary for your health, just as nutrients are to your physical body. Loneliness is psychic hunger for the essential emotional input that every human being needs. Loneliness is signal that you are malnourished on an emotional level. A yearning for a sense of “home,” where people notice when you’re not there. Home is what every human is seeking. A place that is familiar, safe and lacking social expectations in order to achieve acceptance.
I must point out that loneliness and being alone are not the same thing. You can be in a large group of friends, at a party and feel lonely. Or you may be home alone, reading or watching TV and not feel content, loved and accepted. So, how is loneliness defined? According to the National Library of Medicine*, loneliness is defined as, “a feeling of disconnectedness or isolation.”
Stop.
Read that definition again. It’s a FEELING. It’s subjective. It’s unobservable. The only person who knows you are lonely is you. That’s because the very definition of the emotion is subject to how you feel. Bottom line - if you feel lonely, you are. While that may make you feel more lonely, you may be surprised how many people just like you.
The more strangers I interact with online, the more this has become more and more evident. Most people I chat with are completely lonely. They don’t have a sense of belonging, a lack of community and a deep psychological pain that is effecting their every life. And this pain should not be overlooked or minimized. Not only does loneliness effect your mental state, it has a huge impact on your physical health. People are feel lonely are more likely to have a shortened lifespan, an increased risk of heart disease and high blood pressure**. Why is this? It’s because the mind and boy are not two completely separate entities, they are highly intertwined - what is experienced in one, will have a direct impact on the other.
So, what’s the solution? Well, it’s a simple answer but much more difficult to implement that it sounds. As humans, we are hardwired for human connection. And by this, I don’t mean romantic or sexual connection - I’m talking about intimate emotional connection, where you feel that you can be you… all of you without fear of judgement.
The first step is to find someone you already feel safe with, even if you don’t know them well, and simply tell them how you feel. Express the emptiness, the yearning to belong and the reality that you feel emotionally homeless. This takes a lot of courage, authentic risk and a brave step to manifest how you feel in words to someone else. This first step, will cause a sense of release within yourself and secondly, it invites that other person into that highly sensitive and malnourished part of yourself. That conversation may have to happen with multiple people until you find the person who his ready and willing to accept that invitation, but when you find that person, the reward is far greater than the risk.
You don’t need an entire tribe to feel a sense of belonging. You only need one other person. If you have two or three, you are a rich man or woman. In a world where we have more information and the opportunity to connect in the palm of our hands, there seems to be a major emotional void. We need one another. We need to take the bold step in expressing how we feel and our secret desire to be deeply connected. You need a place to call home, I need a place to call home. We are the solution to the epidemic of loneliness.
**https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html